There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? – Woody Allen
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Dave Barry
The only real diet: If it tastes good … spit it out.
Unknown
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
Will Rogers
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Nothing is illegal until you get caught
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the heck she is
Out to lunch: If not back by five, out for dinner also.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters. Jerry Seinfield
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I found a great way to attract money... work!
Curtis D. Tucker
If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up.
Dr Seuss
Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'. Then I considered that 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.
Nascar is like flushing the toilet with a mess of skittles in it...
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you very lucky.
"My job is a decision-making job. And as a result, I make a lot of decisions." – George Bush
If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, Dan Rather would report it on CBS News as "candle making industry threatened"- Newt Gingrich
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge where there is no river- Nikita Khrushchev
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. –George Bernard Shaw
To those critics who are so pessimistic about our country, I say: Don't be economic girly men. – Arnold Schwarzenegger
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